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Saturday, 8 July 2017

Change

Change. A little word with so much power. It's one that's been popping up a lot in my life recently and I wanted to share my thoughts on it, because to be completely honest I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about it myself and I'm hoping that maybe writing it down might help me out a bit.

I'm growing up. I know we are all growing up but I feel like different points in your life cause you to grow up that little bit quicker. Take my recent 18th birthday as an example; I'm all of a sudden classed as an 'adult'. I still live at home and nothing seems too different, but it's a step. A small step that, paired with everything else, is causing me to feel a lot of things towards the big leap I know I'll have to take very soon.

These last few months have been the accumulation of change; I left school, I said goodbye to dance classes I've been attending since I was 3, I had my final music lesson with a teacher who has helped me blossom a talent over the last few years which will serve me for life. To me these were sad things to say goodbye to because I know how much they have all shaped me into the person I am today and the thought of them suddenly not being in my life is terrifying; it makes me feel like everything I've become will just disappear into thin air, too.

Change is happening in the future months too; I'm leaving for university, I'm moving to a city I don't really know and I'm having to say goodbye to people that have been such an important part of my life. While everyone keeps assuring me it's a new and exciting chapter in my life, I feel like I'm still clinging onto the final few sentences of this chapter. 

To be blunt, I'm scared. I've never liked change at the best of times but for such a huge amount to be happening in such a short space of time is really getting to me. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon that I get to attend the university I've longed to go to for years to study my favourite thing in the whole world, and the last thing I want is to sound ungrateful for that. But people feel different ways about different things; it's what makes us human.

I think it's the small things that are affecting me most. I have two friends who mean the world to me. Every Sunday night, we walk. Come rain or shine, we walk through our little village and speak about things; big things, little things, everything. I treasure these walks more and more each time because I know that in a few months, they won't be there. We're all going to different places to do different things and walking won't be possible. I know that we'll all still speak about things whenever we need to and that they are a phone call away, but it's just another thing I've grown so used to that won't be there.

This is where change is getting to me; I'm scared despite knowing how much it's going to benefit me. I'm going to meet new people, learn new things and be exposed to completely new ways of life which I've never had the chance to. These things are going to continue helping me evolve as a person until the next obstacle comes where I'll no doubt be back here, questioning my feelings towards it and how terrified I am to move on. It's a cycle which you can't escape. One which, at the time, you desperately want out of even though you know you're going to appreciate it when it comes. You starting to understand why I'm so confused by it? It's like bad-tasting medicine; you don't want it but you know it'll make you better.

Change in the world is what makes it go round. It's what sprouts a flower from a stem. It can be confusing and exciting and scary but it's critical in everyone's lives, however subtle.

I'm not sure whether this will help anyone but however selfish this may sound, this one was for me. It's helped me see my own thoughts and put everything into a bit more perspective and if even that has helped anyone else out, I'm over the moon.

Feel free to leave any of your thoughts in the comments. Whether that's about your feelings towards change or just about anything that is bumping around your brain that you want to get out.

Until Next Time

Also, remember that little succulent I'd started growing from my first blog post? This is it now. Change did that.




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